Shinobi Otaku
by Moonraker One
Summary: Robin's favorite anime is Naruto. It defines his Saturdays, and most of his free time. An experiment gone horribly wrong brings to Robin's world his favorite blonde shinobi. . . and Orochimaru.
1. Chapter 1

Shinobi Otaku  
By Moonraker One

A/N: Okay, so get this straight: I own neither Teen Titans nor Naruto. Secondly, this takes place in the Teen Titans world. Thirdly: in that universe, they are WAY farther ahead in the anime than we are here in real life. A shinobi is a ninja, and Konohagakure refers to the Village Hidden in the Leaves, for those who do not understand Naruto. Also, a jutsu is a kind of ninja spell. Got it? Good.

CHAPTER ONE

A cold breeze fired across the landscape of the cold forest outside the Village Hidden in the Leaf. Two skilled shinobi caught up in the battle to the death flung fists and feet at each other, utilizing the surrounding environment to their supreme advantage. One was a servant of the evil snake ninja Orochimaru, and the other was one of the finest of Konohagakure village. His radical clumpy blonde hair bowed to the wind's will as he dodged one strike after another in his goal to defeat his foe.

"Even if you destroy me, Uzumaki Naruto," the grayish-haired Kabuto swore, "you'll never defeat Lord Orochimaru! Even as a jounin you simply are not strong enough!"

Naruto parried his foe's strike, then took initiative by utilizing the moment's hesitation after blocking Kabuto's punch to sweep kick him onto his back. Before the evil ninja could leap to his feet, his usually cheery opponent—whose mood currently was strictly business—drove his ninja-to sword straight into his heart. The enemy gasped twice for air, uttered a final statement of inevitable destruction to Naruto, and then fell dead. He pulled his sword from the man's chest and replaced it into its scabbard on his back. Looking into the cold, dead eyes of his fallen enemy, he swore to himself, _I swear on my blood I will bring you back, Sasuke. I've spent nine years tracking down Orochimaru's servants and killing them. I'm closer than ever, so please don't surrender yet, my friend._

Just then, a feminine figure came running up. Naruto waited until she was immediately behind him, then yanked his kunai dagger from his pocket and whirled around with inhuman speed to kill her, but stopped short of her neck when he saw her. She froze in place, until he put away his weapon. He breathed a sigh. "Sakura!" he flatly stated. "Lady Hokage ordered you not to come!" he wiped his brow. "You'll probably only be a hindrance!" He looked down at his defeated foe for leverage to prove his point. "Hell, if Kabuto had seen you, I'd have had to protect you."

"I don't care _how_ much better you've become in these nine years since those days when we were twelve and all together for the last time!" she argued. Just the thought of the whole group being together, before all the crap with Orochimaru and Itachi and the Akatsuki brought tears to her eyes. "I'm coming regardless of what Lady Hokage said!"

"You'd better keep up," he informed her, being uncharacteristically serious. "I can't protect you anymore." They walked off.

"Naruto-kun?" she called. He stopped walking and turned around.

"Hmm?" he replied.

She stalled a moment. "I…miss Sasuke too."

He rolled his eyes, to hide his true feelings. "I don't _miss_ the bastard. I just want him back, because no one deserves to be molested and used as a toy."

She folded her arms in disgust at the male inability to admit the truth. She _knew_ he cared for Sasuke as much as her (although perhaps not in the same way as her), but being a man he couldn't tell her for fear of it ruining his tough act he'd put on since becoming the youngest jounin in thirty-six years at age fifteen. He was currently nineteen and had turned down a job as the second in command of Konoha's entire ANBU defense organization.

At the same moment, on the viewing end of a television set, the ending music began to play as the voice of Naruto announced the next episode. "Hi, Naruto here," the speakers emitted, as the short next episode preview showed scenes from next Saturday. "Yeah, I decided to take Sakura along. Hey, why not? She may actually be useful. You know I miss Sasuke, but if _she_ knew that I'd be ruined. I just killed the traitor and I'm going for the man himself; you guessed it. I want Orochimaru himself; I want his head on a platter. And I'm gonna get it if I have to fight all week. Next time on Naruto: The Fox and the Snake!" The credits began to roll as the ending song played.

Robin stood up from his seat on the couch and began to dance. "Yeah!" he looked at Cyborg, who sat staring into the TV. "Tell me, Cyborg, is that not the greatest show ever?" He never was giddy, except when he watched his favorite anime, Naruto.

Cyborg raised an eyebrow. "Uh, why were they fighting?"

The boy wonder's jaw almost dropped as if his mechanical friend had committed blasphemy. "Cyborg! They were ninjas and Orochimaru is holding Sasuke prisoner and…" he went into ten minutes about the plot. He was so engrossed in his explanation that he failed to take notice of the fact that it went right over Cyborg's head. When he finished, not only Cyborg, but Beast Boy, Raven, _and_ Starfire all looked at him white-eyed with confusion.

"So," Beast Boy inquired, "they didn't like each other?"

Robin rolled his eyes and left the room. "You guys just don't get the awesomeness that is Naruto."

Raven leaned back and stared at the texture of the ceiling. "At least he's not arguing for thirty minutes with Beast Boy like last week during the Great Goku Versus Superman Debate of 2005," she sarcastically muttered. "I swear I never cared less about something Robin considered relevant."

Only Starfire stood up for her dark-haired friend. "Everyone! Friend Robin is an enthusiast of this…" she struggled with the name for a moment, "…Naruto. Should we not allow him his thirty minutes of intoxication-like ecstasy?" She looked down at the floor for a moment, concerned. "Although, it seems abnormal that he should get so excited about a visually appealing young member of his own gender…"

Raven looked her straight in the eye. "Sometimes I genuinely wonder why you can't just say that he's a Naruto 'fan.'"

Starfire seemed confused. "Friend Raven, Friend Robin is neither an electrically mechanical nor a manual device for circulating the air."

Raven gave her an "are you serious?" look. "Uh, never…nevermind, Starfire." She decided it was time for her daily meditation.

Starfire left the room thinking, _Perhaps some things I shall never understand._ The very moment they were alone, Cyborg and Beast Boy brought out the video game set, and began to battle to the death in a way not very much unlike what Naruto and Kabuto were doing during the latest episode of Robin's favorite anime.

In a very dark part of the city, it was a very different scene. One particular abandoned warehouse, just outside of the brunt of the city's population, had inside of it a huge machine that had been constructed over the period of the last six months. Two people, a man named Slade and a young girl who had an exceptional talent for mechanical science, had worked together and built it from components stolen from a military transport. It took up the vast majority of the space of the warehouse, and had many different pipes coming in and out of it.

"Jessica," the villain told his young scientist friend, "this is the culmination of half a year of our finest efforts. With this device, we shall cross over to another dimension and gain tremendous power! Have you done all the fine calibrations?"

She nodded. "Yes sir, I have. I'm positive that this'll work perfectly. It's already fully charged, we just have to get the inter-dimensional gate open."

He popped his knuckles. "Excellent, my dear. Now activate the mechanism."

Complying with his command, she went over to the computer terminal that controlled the workings of the machine. With a few keystrokes, she had the water coolant intake flowing, and the engine began to hum. Everything began to work perfectly as the electrical surge made a dot of a portal appear. With a few more keystrokes, she had the portal widening. Nothing seemed out of place.

Neither considered it serious until a huge bolt struck the ground and the entire warehouse shook.

"The hell was THAT?" Slade shouted. Jessica at once dashed to the status indicator on the machine.

"Oh my G…" she screamed, but was cut off when a large bolt traveled through the machine and detonated the fuel drum. The explosion incinerated her instantly; she did not even have time to experience pain. Slade was propelled backwards several feet by the force of the blast, which ripped off most of his suit and part of his mask. A figure began to appear out of the smoke. A separate figure he saw appear immediately prior to the blast, but he was already long gone by then. The figure which was left stepped out of the smoke, wary of his surroundings.

Where the hell am I, the figure thought. As he entered the light, Slade saw him. It was an older teenager with blonde hair and blue eyes, a pair of flexible looking pants and a many pocketed coat, and a headband with a bizarre leaf symbol on the front. He slipped one of his hands into his large side pocket, presumably to ready a weapon.

"Who're you?" they asked in unison.

"Uzumaki Naruto, stranger," Naruto introduced. Slade knew by the name that he must be of Japanese origin, and from the expression on the kid's face, he had to have seen many a battle.

Slade utilized his manipulative voice tone. "I can be your best friend or your worst nightmare, depending on certain things," the villain replied.

"Let me tell you something, mister." Naruto did not flinch, and he did not drop his guard. "I've fought enemies you wouldn't dream of. Right a few moments ago, I was fighting a sonofabitch named Orochimaru. Quite possibly the deadliest enemy ever. Does the name ring any bells?"

Slade shook his head. "I don't know anyone of that name," he admitted.

"Then you're of no use to me whatsoever." He prepared to leave.

"Daresay I know of someone who might," Slade said, taking a calculated risk.

Naruto nodded slightly. "Speak. I'm listening."

Slade handed Naruto a piece of paper. It contained information on the Teen Titans and the location of their home base. "Here's what I know. Let me tell you about them; they're names are…"

"Thank you," Naruto said, cutting him off. He began to walk away.

"W…wait! How do you plan on getting information from them?"

Naruto stared a hole through him. "I'm a ninja. It's what I do for a living. If I can't sneak into a large steel structure and pose as one of them, I may as well hang it up."

Slade smiled wickedly underneath his mask. A ninja? As in a traditional Japanese shinobi? With jutsu spells and all? This, he knew, could potentially be one of his most talented apprentices ever, if he played his cards right.

* * *

Naruto marveled at the city. He had never before seen such a large network of buildings and gatherings of people. What kind of hidden village is THIS? He wondered. It's huge! There must be a million people in this place! I wonder what their skill levels are? He looked around, and saw people acting very casually, very stubbornly and selfishly, so he knew they could not be shinobi, because they did not act as though they were ready for battle. Wherever the hell he was, he was in a city of weaklings. Which meant Orochimaru had a lot of potential prey who had absolutely no way of defending themselves. Whoever these…"Titans" were, they'd have to know something, and fast.

* * *

Inside the large warehouse, Slade was pacing back and forth, trying to think of the useful ways he could manipulate this "Naruto" character into being his apprentice. An honest-to-God shinobi would be unbelievably useful, but how could he go about controlling someone more talented at combat than he? He'd have to be even more clever than usual.

The sound of footsteps alerted him to someone's presence. "Who's there?" he nervously shouted. The footsteps, which were up in the rafters, turned into calm footsteps moving towards him. He turned around to face the source, and saw what had to be the most unusual looking person he'd ever seen. To call this man a person, even, was slightly stretching the mark.

"Who the hell are YOU?" he inquired. The man had long black hair and a pair of pointed earrings. The man had the palest skin he'd ever seen on any living thing; not even the Titan Raven had as pale a skin tone. His eyes were black slits against a yellow background, just like a snake's. His face alone was enough to terrify the otherwise rock-solid Slade.

The creepy-looking man grinned in a way that petrified Slade. "Me? I'm Orochimaru," he introduced himself, "and I can tell that you're inclined towards the darkness much like myself. Perhaps you can help me." Slade might have declined if he had the nerve.

"W…what kind of help?"

"Well, I know you gave some information to my enemy, Naruto. If you maybe helped me, there might be something in it for you."

The prospect of mutual help intrigued Slade. He handed him a piece of paper exactly the same as the one he gave to Naruto. "Here is…what I know. What about it benefiting me?"

With a wider evil grin, Orochimaru traveled across the room in a thousandth the time it would have taken Slade to blink. Pulling back the damaged metal which covered his neck, the snake ninja drove his deadly fangs into the back of the man's neck. Falling to the ground, the villain at once began to shake and convulse.

"It'll benefit you, IF you're worthy of surviving my curse mark."

Absorbing the paper's information at a glance, Orochimaru began to walk away.


	2. Chapter 2

Shinobi Otaku

By Moonraker One

A/N: Okay, I goofed a bit last chapter. I just noticed it now. First of all, Sakura said that it was nine years since they were twelve, yet Naruto is currently nineteen in this story. I apologize for this error. Also, many of you may have mistakenly read in the author notes that Konohagakure is the Village Hidden in the Mist; this is another mistake. It is the village hidden in the leaves. I believe I corrected the latter error. In this chapter, a "jutsu" is a ninja spell. Furthermore, I apologize for the sheer shortness of this chapter, however, I must say that I felt the place I ended it was a good place.

CHAPTER TWO

Manipulating his chakra perfectly in his feet, Naruto dashed across the surface of the water separating the rest of the city from the small island upon which Titans Tower sat. Also, he made use of an invisibility jutsu that he had perfected which allowed his presence to be completely hidden from detection. Neither an outline of his figure could be seen, nor the sounds of his limbs making contact with solid objects around them be heard. It was quite a ways but by making use of the chakra of the nine-tailed fox demon within him he burned away a very tiny portion of the total chakra he had.

_I just hope that I can learn something useful about Orochimaru's whereabouts from these 'Teen Titans.'_ His singular thought was about the mission and the enemy that stood in his path of freeing his best friend and comrade Sasuke. No doubt, he knew, Orochimaru would have his subordinates watching Sasuke while he was missing in this world.

Stepping onto the island, he took notice of a drainage pipe leading just slightly under the island, which he estimated to lead up into the water system of the structure. He made a shadow clone using his trademark jutsu and sent him under the water's surface and into the pipe. The clone, swimming into the entrance of the pipe, noticed immediately that a very short ways into the pipe, there were a series of laser detection beams that were obviously meant to detect intruders. He circumvented this problem by morphing via his transformation jutsu into a small fish that just barely fit through the cracks. Once through the primary alarm system without detection, the clone swam up the pipe until the water ended and the filtration system began. Inside the large filtration unit in the basement of the tower, there sat on the unit's underside an exit valve for fish swimming up the pipe to be removed into a separate pipe system. He changed back into himself and exited into the basement. When he looked around and saw no further means of detection, he disappeared and the real Naruto followed the same pathway into the tower.

The doorway which served as the entrance to the basement was locked from the outside, so he took two hairs from his head and hardened them with his chakra, and used them to pick the lock and open the door. On the outside he used the same method to relock the door, and he moved invisibly and inaudibly down the hall. Up a few levels he saw a pair of girls walking down the hall talking to each other. Rather, the conversation was somewhat one sided. Naruto took mental notes for when he had to impersonate one of them.

"Friend Raven!" Starfire said cheerfully to the pale-complexioned part demon. "Are you feeling as though you would be willing to venture to the shopping center with me at a later point in the day?"

Raven almost rolled her eyes. "Uh, Star, you're asking if I want to go to the mall with you?" Starfire nodded. In a tone that could not possibly have been more uninterested, she replied, "Sure. I don't have much else to do."

Starfire gave her friend a hug. "Thank you, Friend Raven!"

Starfire separated and walked towards her room, while Raven headed to the main living room area. Naruto noted the personalities of each girl. _One's like a mixture of Sasuke and Shikamaru and the other is…like me,_ he noted. _Bizarre._ He corrected himself. _And on that note, the one called "Starfire" uses very formal language, as though maybe she does not know enough of English to speak it in a slang way._ These Titans were quite unusual; he wondered what their abilities were. He snuck by each of them very carefully, making sure not to disturb the wind very much. Upon passing Raven, he followed closely behind Starfire, matching her footsteps exactly; in doing so, the chances of her sensing a difference in floor pressure sank.

Starfire opened the door to her room. She took maybe two footsteps into the room and shut the door when an invisible…something, struck the back of her head (it was in fact, Naruto's fist). He did not hit her hard as he estimated instantly the exact amount of pressure required to render her unconscious without doing permanent damage. Pulling an acupuncture needle from his pocket, he coated it with his chakra and stuck it in the back of her neck near its base, so that the chakra on the needle tip would keep her body alive but prevent her conscious mind from being able to control her movement and speech functions until the needle's removal. Once she was incapacitated, he put his palm over her forehead and, by analyzing the neuron connections in her brain, read her long-term memory.

There was nothing about Orochimaru. His hopes sank partially, but what mystified him was her abilities. She had the power to fly as well as throw "starbolts." The flight he could easily duplicate by means of forbidden jutsus, but the "starbolts" on the other hand, those were likely her inborn ability, much like Sasuke's Sharingan eye. Duplication of a bloodline ability, he knew, would require practice and use of Kyuubi. In the meantime, however, he had pressing concerns to worry about. Namely, he had to study the rest of the Titans in order to see if they really did know anything at all about Orochimaru or his actions.

Immediately before leaving the girl's room, Naruto stuffed her in the closet under a pile of clothes, giving her a small opening in the pile through which she could breathe. Through his jounin expertise, he estimated that she had exactly eleven hours before she had to regain control of her body before permanent damage occurred. So carefully he made another mental note and left the room. Before entering the hall, he utilized the henge jutsu to transform into her.

He made his way over to the room which, according to the mind-read of the girl, belonged to Robin, the leader of the group. Stealthily he turned the handle and pushed the door open. Apparently, his ability to sense chakra was unharmed by his entering into this dimension; his determination that no chakra was in the room was correct, meaning that the room was devoid of people. He slid his gaze across the room, analyzing everything he saw, scanning every bit of anything with his demon-enhanced eyes so that not even the smallest detail escaped him. Nothing at all, however, had any info about Orochimaru.

Almost as an afterthought, before turning to leave the room, he happened to see a small computer desk with a small chest below it. He squinted in confusion. _What the hell?_ he thought. He knelt and reached under the desk, effortlessly pulling it into the center of the room. Flattening his hand, he delivered a single chop to the base of the lock on the crate, forcing it to open without damaging it. Eager to see the contents, he lifted the lid of the crate.

On top of a large pile of others of the same kind, was a single graphic novel, the latest issue in a series. Emblazoned on the top, in bright print, was his name. A picture of him battling Kabuto—which was a perfect photograph-like image of the battle he was just in a few days ago—took up most of the front cover. With his demon power he read the book in a matter of seconds, and found himself frozen in disbelief.

_Wait a damn minute here,_ he argued mentally, _in THIS dimension…_ he struggled with the impossibility of it, _…I'm just…just a character in a MANGA!_


	3. Chapter 3

Shinobi Otaku  
By Moonraker One

A/N: I'm sorry for the wait.

CHAPTER THREE

Naruto, in the form of Starfire, sat on the bed reading one after another of the graphic novels from the series that bore his name. _Well, I'll be damned,_ he thought to himself. _My whole life is just a comic._ He could scarcely believe the irony of it all. Every major event of his life, had been printed onto the pages of the graphic novels. It had all just been the work of an artist. He had been so caught up in the ridiculousness of it all that he failed to notice that the door slid open.

"Uh, Starfire?" Robin uttered confusedly. "What're you doing in my room?"

The blonde shinobi cringed; he'd been caught. If he didn't act quickly, and smoothly, he'd blow his cover. "Friend Robin!" he said in the girl's cheerful voice. "I never you were such an enthusiast of this series known as Naruto!"

Robin seemed as confused as ever; since when did Starfire take any interest in the _Naruto_ series? Still, it meant something. What it meant, he didn't know, but it meant something. "Star, I thought you _always_ knew that I liked Naruto. I mean, I watch the anime every Saturday."

Naruto almost flinched. _IT'S AN ANIME TOO?...! What the fuck am I, your amusement!_ "Um, I…just didn't know how much you were into it." He just barely calmed down enough to realize the opportunity to extract information that had just come up. "Friend Robin, tell me, if Orochimaru were to come to this world, from the comic, what would you do?"

The boy wonder almost laughed at such a ridiculous idea. "Star, he's just a cartoon character."

Naruto nodded. "I am aware of said fact, but…what if he had?"

Robin didn't understand where the train of thought had come from, but there seemed no harm in indulging her. "I…uh, I dunno. He's quite possibly the second strongest ninja in existence, and he's quite evil. It'd probably take us all to take him down." The prospect could not be more ludicrous. "If he DID come here, I'd hope Naruto would come also to stop him." He shook his head; bigger, more logical concerns filled his head. "Come on. Today we got practicing to do. Shouldn't you be getting ready?"

Naruto stood up straight with fake enthusiasm. "I shall, friend Robin!" He left the room, to head back to the room of the girl he'd borrowed the body of.

Robin glanced a moment at her posterior as she left, admiring her perfections, and as an afterthought he noticed something bizarre. _Hmm. She's walking straight-hipped like a dude; no swinging like a girl walks. Weird._

The blonde jounin knew he had a series of allies on his hands. If their leader, Robin, was a fan of the…Naruto comic (the thought of him being a comic made him angry), that meant that he would most likely be accepted amongst them. Making his way back to the room of the girl, he locked the door after ascertaining that no other people were present, and opened the closet. Releasing his disguise and making himself invisible he put the girl on her bed and removed the needle from her neck. She slowly regained consciousness.

Groggily she sat up in her bed. "Okay, I know that whomever you may be, you that rendered me unconscious, your presence in the room I know of." She hardened her tone to sound powerful. "It would be conducive to your continued physical well being to make yourself visible." She stood up.

"Before you turn around," Naruto calmly uttered, "do you know of the anime that your leader watches?"

Starfire squinted in slight confusion. "Leader? Oh, you mean friend Robin!" She thought back to earlier. "Yes, I am aware that he is an extreme enthusiast of a television program called…_Naruto_." She recalled the show. "He is a ninja warrior who is blonde haired and has blue eyes and is quite the maker of disturbance."

"Turn around."

She tightened her fist in preparation for an attack if one proved necessary. When her eyes met with his face, she let out a scream. "BY THE HOLY ORDER OF THROGAKO!" she shouted. "YOU'RE REAL!"

He put his hands on her shoulders. "Quiet down!"

"I must be hallucinating!" She closed her eyes shut. "WAKE UP! WAKE UP!" She opened her eyes, and he was still there. So, she closed them again. "There's no place like home! There's no place like home! There's…"

"SHUT UP ALREADY!" She went quiet, although she was still frightened. He regained his composure. "Look, I don't have a clue how I got here, but I know I wasn't the only one. There is an evil ninja by the name of Orochimaru who followed me. You cannot possibly comprehend how evil he is and his power is beyond anything I've ever fought before. If I'm going to stop him _here_, I'm gonna need help."

She cleared her throat. "So, you want friend Robin and the rest of us to help you defeat this…Orochimaru?" She found it hard to believe a cartoon was standing in front of her. "You want us to open up the can of the butt whoop?"

He smiled. "Any assistance is better than none."

Starfire wiped her brow. "Friend Naruto, we will help you defeat Orochimaru. First, you must meet my friends."

Naruto pondered that idea. "I guess if Orochimaru is to be defeated I'll need to get to know you and your friends."

She threw a blanket over him. "I believe Friend Robin will react more effectively if we reveal you to him as a surprise rather than just walk you up to him." The blonde ninja liked that idea, according to what he knew about psychology there'd be a more likely chance of it being accepted. "I believe we should go to the front room."

They walked in a line, her in front and him behind her, his body covered by her bed's blanket. Despite being unable to see he knew where to walk by sensing her chakra as the signal moved. He heard several noises echoing through a large central room and by the degree of echo being slightly larger than the other spaces he'd been in, knew he was in the master living room.

"Friend Robin," Starfire announced, stepping aside, "I have discovered a new friend!"

Robin lifted an eyebrow in suspicion. The last thing he wanted was a new pet discovered by Starfire; the last one was a large rubbery object of a being that ate most of his clothes. "Uh, Star? He's a little big for a pet."

Naruto steamed a moment under the blanket. _First you people read my life and now you insult me? I outta fry your ass, boy!_

"Friend Robin, believe me, you WILL appreciate this friend. I know you will."

Robin rolled his eyes under the mask covering them. "Oh, okay. Show him to me."

Starfire grabbed the blanket and ripped it off. "Naruto of the Uzumaki, cocked, locked and ready to rock!"

The last thing Starfire saw Robin do before passing out was scream like a schoolgirl at a boy band concert.


	4. Chapter 4

Shinobi Otaku  
by Moonraker One

A/N: I'm raising the rating of this story to mature due to sexual innuendo. For story purposes I have to expound on Orochimaru's...sexual nature, but I promise you, I will never show you a full yaoi scene.

CHAPTER FOUR

Robin slowly came to, with Starfire and the familiar blonde shinobi standing over him. The other Titans came running into the room to understand the meaning of the clamor and the scream. Many stood at the entrance and tried their best to comprehend what they found themselves staring at. A cartoon character come to life, that in and of itself meant something out of the ordinary to them.

"Woah, dude!" Beast Boy cried, staring at Naruto. "You're...you're that ninja guy from the t.v.! I mean, you _were_ in the t.v., and now you're out here, and not in the t.v., and..." Raven backhanded him just hard enough to snap him out of his raving.

"Or...this could very well be a trap," she considered, and verbalized to her friends, readying her powers. "I mean, wouldn't this be the ultimate idea of a bad guy, to gather info about us by posing as an anime character." Being a clear-headed person who considered every option before acting, such landed clear within her "potential villains' plans" mental list. Cyborg and Beast Boy immediately took her words to heart and stood on edge. "I mean, how did you get here?"

"Your leader is the brains of the operation," Naruto reminded. "One thing a ninja learns to do is identify and terminate the most intelligent member of the group first. If I were ordered to attack you, I'd have assassinated him already." He regarded the ragtag group of teens with a grin. "And I certainly wouldn't have made myself known to the whole group. You guys are so oblivious, I was able to sneak a glimpse at Robin's comic collection by posing as Starfire. He didn't even notice the difference."

His advising words calmed them into mostly trusting. "Look," Cyborg apologized, "we're sorry for doubting you. But if you're here, how?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "One minute I was on the trail of Orochimaru and the next, this portal opens me and the bastard snake himself we're sucked into this bizarre world. You have buildings that rise above the horizon and motorized wagons, and guns! Why do you people have all these damn guns! I saw five people out there with guns in plain sight! Guns replace actually having to learn how to fight!" He shook his head; he caught himself rambling. "Anyway, Orochimaru is my mission. He has to die before he spreads to another body." Naruto lifted Robin to a standing position.

"Huh? What happ...EEP!" Robin saw Naruto again. He then began dancing like a raving lunatic. "It's you! It's really you! You're really here and...!" Naruto punched him square in the face.

"Concentrate! I have a mission here! Fun takes a back seat to Orochimaru's death!"

It slowly hit Robin that the evil snake ninja had arrived in town. "You mean, that evil ninja? The legendary sannin Orochimaru?" Naruto nodded. "Well, if he's more powerful than _you_, how do _we_ take him on?"

Naruto regarded the bunch of them. "You weak slackers are gonna have to get the Uzumaki 101!"

Robin was giddy. _We get to learn ninja stuff! We get to learn ninja stuff!_

Naruto glared at him. "Is the fanboyism gonna let you concentrate?"

Robin nodded. "Yes, Naruto-sensei! We can kick ass!"

"I hope so. Because when the situation goes down there will be much ass to be kicked."

* * *

Orochimaru wandered the city, taking in the sights he could, trying to figure out the metropolis and how it worked. Having picked up a shirt, leather jacket and jeans—all black, of course—he found blending in to be not at all difficult considering goths and other creepy looking figures made him feel right at home. He found criminals and other evildoers all over; a pedophile like him could get extremely comfortable in such a locale. _My god,_ he thought, watching a rich-looking man solicit a streetside prostitute to get into his car. _This place is like heaven!_ He felt like a kid in a candy store with all the vice going around in the dark.

"Hey, you."

He looked to see who had tried for his attention. A young man dressed in leather pants with a see-through shirt winked at him. The man could not possibly be older than seventeen. Having had a history with young people—not a positive history—he found the man's appearance to be an itch too deep not to scratch. He strolled towards him. "You wanted my attention?" the sannin said in his airy snake-ish voice.

"You look like the kind of guy who knows a good party."

Orochimaru sneered his evil grin, placing an arm on the man's neck, rubbing gingerly. "You can truly identify a person," he jabbed. He brought his face an inch from the man's. "My name is Orochimaru. Your body is very beautiful indeed."

The man raised his eyebrows. "Thank you. Orochimaru, huh? That's a pretty exotic name. I'm Johnny."

"Well...Johnny...do you like snakes?" He produced a serpent from under his shirt sleeve. "I've got plenty of them. I've even got a personal pet, a giant asp viper named Manda."

He seemed interested. "That's nice but...I'm interested in a different kind of snake." He grabbed Orochimaru's crotch a moment. "I'd be very interested...if the price is right."

"Johnny, I've got plenty of money, but I can give you something _much_ more valuable than that." He placed a single gold coin from his pocket in the man's grasp. "That's a small token. I've got more...if you'd care to follow me."

Johnny rubbed the snake ninja's chest. "You're the big spender, eh? Good. I like guys like you." The sannin walked on, towards his rented apartment, the male prostitute in tow. Yes, he thought. He could get extremely used to a place like this.

* * *

Robin, waiting behind the door which allowed entry into the main gym area of the tower, cleared his mind as instructed by Naruto. When he got the verbal cue, he pushed the door open, prepared for anything that lie ahead. However, upon seeing the sight he saw, his peace of mind got thrown for a loop. Starfire, kneeling with several knives and other sharp objects protruding from wounds all over, with one stub of a left arm and blood pouring from it, she looked severely harmed. Robin clenched his teeth and his fists as anger overtook him. Naruto saw, and a look of disappointment crept onto his face.

"YOU BASTARD!" Robin blindly charged for Naruto's throat. The moment he came within an inch, Naruto vanished in a puff of smoke. Effortlessly, he appeared behind the Titan, grabbed the arm with the kunai and wrenched it behind the kid's back. With his foot he drove the boy to a kneeling position and held a blade in front of his throat. The mortally wounded Starfire vanished like a wave at the shore.

"Ninja rule number one," Naruto yelled. "You must NEVER ASSUME what you see is the reality of the situation! This was a genjutsu-type illusion designed to trick you into seeing something false!" He released the boy. "Furthermore, the instant anger clouded your mind you lost. A will overtaken by wrath cannot win. If you had approached more wisely you would have lasted longer." Robin shook his head, disgusted.

"I...I'm sorry."

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Dammit, don't be sorry! Use failure to improve!" He sat in a cross-legged position, and Robin did the same. The other Titans, having been instructed to leave for the previous exercise, came in for the chakra sensing. They all sat in a circle. "Close your eyes. Since you've never had formal ninja training, I highly doubt you can sense your chakra. Sit and clear your mind."

They complied. Forcing themselves into a deep trance they allowed all images of the day and of life to vanish. The scene of thought appeared as a blank canvas of white. An empty screen they saw, for use in any way they saw fit. "Feel deep within your body. Look deep within yourself. Don't imagine it, look deep within. Your body has a unique pulse of life that is different for each one of you. That pulse of life is chakra. Your mental and physical energies flowing through a unique system of passageways too thin to be seen with the naked eye, they are. Feel your pulse of life. Feel your chakra." Some of them, like Raven and Starfire, who had experience with looking within, felt it quicker than others. Robin and Beast Boy were second with Cyborg dead last. But by the exercise's end, they all felt their chakra. Stay here and practice until you can see it with your eyes open."

Robin looked up. "Where are you going?"

"Haven't eaten all day. I'm gonna make me some ramen!" Naruto made his way to the kitchen.

* * *

Orochimaru fastened his jacket buttons as he headed out the main entrance to the building. The man at the front desk called out to him. "Hey, man, Johnny said you were quite the kinky bastard."

The snake ninja looked at him. "The boy couldn't handle the snakes like I thought he could." A dark grin appeared. "But hey, all the more pleasure for me. Ku ku ku..." The cold laugh sent chills down the spine of the desk man as the sannin left the building. His destination seemed obvious to him: Slade. He had to see if the aging assassin had survived the curse mark he'd left on him. It had a ninety percent fatality rate, but there were always those few that lived. Anko had been one, Sasuke another. He liked this world; he could do what he wanted, use people for his sick experiments to bring immortality ever so close, feed his pedophilia, and as long as he kept secret, no one cared. The ninja life just didn't compare. _Where has this universe been my whole life_? He thought.

* * *

Naruto boiled the homemade noodles and spiced the broth as he'd learned from Ayame the ramen stand girl back home. Placing the meat and other toppings into it he stirred the mixture together. A deep whiff indicated it had finished cooking. He took a seat and allowed the soup to cool enough, the whole time thinking of two people: Sasuke and Orochimaru. He hoped Sasuke was okay back in the world he'd left. But his target superseded his friend. _Damn you Orochimaru, I know you're preying on young boys too young to comprehend their sexuality. You show up and ruin them psychologically in the name of your addiction. I swear to God I will kill you._

Finishing his bowl he returned to the gym area. "Alright, who's ready for basic ninja arts?"

All the Titans stood up, eager.

"You'd better be, 'cuz you're still a bunch of weaklings compared to Orochimaru! He's out there now, feeding a sex addiction with boys not much older than you. Every second he's alive, another life is in jeopardy! Are we going to show that asshole who's boss?"

They nodded.

"Alright then! Here's what you need to know." He began the exercise.


	5. Chapter 5

Shinobi Otaku  
by Moonraker One

CHAPTER FIVE

On the inside of the large warehouse where the inter dimensional portal had been opened, a figure lay still on the floor. Slade Wilson, chemically-altered assassin and criminal extraordinare, became the victim of a bite by Orochimaru and as such, he found himself put through the trial. His trial had been experienced by many and survived by only a few. Back in Naruto's dimension, Anko, Sasuke, and a few from sound village had survived the branding of the curse mark. For numerous hours the assassin convulsed under the influence of the poison that circulated through his body thanks to the ninja.

However, fate did not decide to send him to the afterlife.

"Uhhhhn..." a long, drawn out moan came from his mouth as he pressed both hands hard against the cold metal floor to push himself up. His arms felt like buckling under the force of something as normally trivial as his body weight. Once he slipped and fell back to his face; however, with much strain and effort—what seemed like an eternity in a few minutes—he made it to kneeling and then standing. A tilt of his head caused a pop to sound from his neck; the convulsing from the pain of the bite made him nearly injure it. His body; mostly naked from the blast of the machine exploding, bore several triangle shape black marks—each no wider than five milimeters—which streaked down from his neck to his lower torso, spreading in a branch pattern like a tree. Upon the return of his strength he popped his knuckles and tested his limbs; new-found strength flowed. He launched a few martial arts punches and kicks at the air—previously impossible speed and power seemed at his command.

"I see you've survived my curse mark," a familiar, sadistic sounding voice reverberated.

Slade whipped his head in the direction of Orochimaru; his aged face looking somewhat youthful under the influence of the curse. "I'm...stronger," he said, struggling to speak with command. "And...my body seems younger. What have you done to me?"

Orochimaru chuckled his evil laugh. "Ku ku ku... Slade, dear man," he replied, "I have done nothing except grant you that which you have always lusted for; power. In exchange for your free will—which will be sacrificed in time—you have the power to carry out my desires."

"What such desires?...!" Slade demanded.

"The elimination of the only things that can possibly threaten me in this lazy world: the Teen Titans, and my arch-foe Naruto Uzumaki."

Slade clenched his teeth; he served no one, yet knew his only option. "So, we must work together?"

"You may either serve me, Slade," Orochimaru explained, effectively serving him an ultimatum. "Or...should you refuse...I could kill you right where you stand. Such would be simple for a ninja as experienced as I." He leaped down and appeared directly in front of Slade; it took him an eyeblink's time. He rubbed the man's cheek, making him very frightened indeed. "Or, I could take your body; after all, it is quite beautiful." He licked his other cheek with his snakish tongue. "But that...would keep me from taking a much better one."

Quivering, Slade fell to both knees. "I shall...serve you...Orochimaru my lord..." he found himself mumbling in terror.

Orochimaru grinned, satisfied. "Good. Come with me now." Slade dared not deny.

A furious standing side kick did not come close to landing itself on the face of Naruto. Robin gritted his teeth as he swung heavily calculated blows at his idol. Despite the boy wonder being taijutsu skilled, the blonde ninja easily dodged each one. Halfway through the exchange Naruto descended and went for a rotating sweep kick, which Robin naturally leapt above; however, with Naruto's exceptional ninja speed, he continued his rotation from the sweep kick flawlessly into a crouching high kick to the gut. His opponent thrown backwards, he rose instantly and drove an elbow into the chest, knocking him flat backwards.

Naruto shook his head. "And you wonder why you never beat Slade," he mourned.

Robin got back up. "We've been training for hours now! I know we need to get stronger, but..."

"No, you don't know," Naruto interrupted him. "Orochimaru is fifty-five years old. By working with the beast inside of me, I gained equal strength to him and speed in less than ten. If you guys want to beat Slade—who is probably now working WITH Orochimaru—you're each going to have to get twenty or so times as powerful and fast as you are now in a matter of days. You get a few breaks for eating and bathroom and some sleeping time, but you're going to train like there's no tomorrow." He regarded all of them, gathering their breath. "We're the only ones who can take out Orochimaru in this world; no one else stands a chance. And unless you want the world to be plagued by a body-switching asshole who likes to fuck young boys, you're going to get the Uzumaki crash course in kicking ass and taking names. Go get something to eat, all of you, and get your ass back here."

Robin sat at the dining table, feasting on his ramen. He'd never had ramen quite as good as the recipe Naruto left, and Starfire (surprisingly) couldn't find a way to make the meal disgusting. He sat thinking. _So, here I am, helping a cartoon character defeat a cartoon villain in the real world._ He almost laughed at the irony. He'd faced some abnormal (and some just plain weird) villains, but Orochimaru made them all look tame. Remorseless, completely sadistic, a bad sex addiction, and a need to be immortal; each made the snake ninja so fun to watch on the screen as a bad guy. But now that he was real, and posed a real threat to real people, he didn't seem so fun. But training with Naruto made up for it.

A shout came from down the hall. "ARE YOU WEAKLINGS DONE YET!"

"Finished, Naruto-sama!" Robin cheered.

Raven rolled her eyes at the fanboyism. "I've never worked so hard in my life, and you STILL have time to idolize. I'm amazed."

"Dude," Beast Boy entered, "my muscles are burning! I'm hurting in places I didn't know I had places!"

"I don't even see why this crap is necessary for someone like me," Cyborg said, concurring with his green partner. "I mean, what good are all these ninja arts for someone with machinery like myself?"

Only Starfire supported Robin. "You all are what Earth people call poopers of the party!" she argued. "We are learning much in the art of physical combat, which will be of great assistance to us even in the future! Besides, I'm certain we will all regain complete feeling of our limbs!" She leaned back, popping her spine back into proper place.

Orochimaru and Slade traded blows. They'd acquired an abandoned underground military base a few kilometers from the city. "You are quite a fast learner of the ninja arts," the bastard serpent commented. "You are about where I was at the age of twelve. And it's only been a day." Slade ducked (barely) beneath a fast kick.

"Thank you," he replied. "What with your ninja arts and my knowledge and ability we will rule the world soon enough!"

They ceased when Orochimaru gave non-verbal cues. "Then perhaps it is time for me to put your abilities to the test. I'm going to round up some subjects for my...experiments, and as such I'll be downtown in the ghetto section. You, however, will be going uptown; there's some books I'd like for you to steal from the library in the rare section." He handed Slade a scroll. "Commit this list to memory."

"What about Naruto?"

Orochimaru sneered. "The young jounin from konoha will follow me; I'm sure with his expertise in scouting he'll have already figured out from his new allies the city and he'll know my desires. The titans will follow you."

They headed in opposing directions.

"Naruto! I got something!" Naruto stopped his training session when Cyborg shouted. He checked a map in his arm. "There was some activity in a military base that has been abandoned for quite some time!"

"Could it possibly be a coincidence?" Beast Boy argued.

Cyborg shook his head. "No. I hacked the video feed and there's only two."

Naruto nodded. "Them. You guys take these," he handed them each a military rations pellet. "These will restore your chakra and allow you to recover quickly from our intense training. You go after Slade; I'm going after Orochimaru."

"Isn't that what they're planning us to do?" Robin interjected. "Shouldn't we go against their plan?"

"If you guys had all been raised shinobi," he replied, shaking his head, "I'd have agreed with you. However, you don't have any sort of experience necessary to take on Orochimaru."

"Naruto-sama! I've watched every episode of your show and I know every move in his arsenal..."

Naruto stood his ground. "NO. That's an ORDER. What you saw was an abbreviated version; I fought the real thing. The WHOLE thing. I know his pattern from muscle memory."

"You're going to take on a sannin alone? Are you crazy?"

"Either go after Slade with the team or stay home and do nothing," Naruto demanded. "I'm going. If you guys haven't at least tried by the time I get back I'll be quite pissed."


	6. Chapter 6

Shinobi Otaku  
by Moonraker One

CHAPTER SIX

Houses lined up like the coffins of dead men stood barred, boarded up, or guarded with guns by people in constant fear. Just six miles from the center of one of the largest cities on the west coast sat one of the most notorious ghettos of all time. The people dared not leave their houses at night—the people who had no financial way of leaving, that is. In the middle of darkness, illuminated only by street lamps not broken or shot out, gang members stood congregated, fully tattooed with insignia. Drug deals and shootings occurred often without inhibition by law enforcement, who seldom answered 911 calls from this area. The 13th lotus, the notorious gang who ruled this area, stood proudly at a busy intersection now barren. Glocks sheathed, knives hidden in plain sight, they spoke and traded illegal substances freely. They didn't pay attention to bystanders as none stuck around. However, a pale-skinned figure clad in leather, obviously came looking for something other than cocaine.

"Hello, you," Orochimaru announced. At once, thirty-nine gang members, each either African-American, Hispanic, or a combination of the two, acknowledged him.

"Motherfucker," one extremely muscular man replied, unimpressed, "you either lookin' for something or startin' something; either way you done fucked up." He pulled his knife out and held it close to Orochimaru's chin. "You pasty as a fuckin' ghost or some shit. And what's with the clown fuckin' face paint?"

The sannin merely grinned. "Baka, do you know how fast a white asp viper is?" In a fraction of the space of a heartbeat, he spun his body around, snatching the man's knife and holding it at arm's length against the man's neck. He saw the gang member immediately adjacent to him reaching for his gun. Before the man could even get close, Orochimaru had pulled the glock from the man he held at knife point and aimed it. "Several hundred feet per second at striking distance; I'm much faster."

"Whoa, take it easy," another one, the obvious leader, chimed. "What do you want, asshole?"

"The same as you; money and power. You sell cocaine; I have lots of it that needs distributors." He lied, but it certainly would accomplish his purpose of acquiring victims to experiment on. All he had to do was get them to follow him. "I provide product, you make money. Our money, that is."

"I can't let you do that," a voice cried out.

Everyone looked to see a blonde-haired figure garbed in bright orange. He regarded Orochimaru with a familiar hatred. "Your evil reign will end here, Orochimaru."

"Ah, I see the law has arrived," Orochimaru replied. He knew how to manipulate people; nearly forty gangsters certainly couldn't stop Naruto, but they'd wear him down, and the sannin could merely go somewhere else. "He wants to stop us from making a fortune."

"Man, I hope you brought back up," the gang leader cried. "If you came alone you're fucking dead."

"All bystanders stay out of this," Naruto shouted. "This is between me and him; if you interfere I can't guarantee your safety."

One stood an inch from the shinobi's face. "Man, fuck you."

Naruto hoisted him six inches from the pavement by his collar with one hand. "I said, stay out." He easily tossed him several feet to his left. "Using these people as your shield? You're slacking, Orochimaru."

The sannin sneered angrily. The display kept the others from interfering in the match about to start. It shut doors he didn't want shut; the people around him would have provided at least some assistance in numbers. "So, you crave a one-on-one fight? Now noble—how konoha—of you, Naruto." He'd have to find a new crew of people to fool, or else he'd have to kidnap piecemeal. He dropped down into an all-too-familiar stance. Naruto steeled his nerves and his chakra.

The air seemed frozen as the two shinobi rushed one another. Orochimaru leapt mildly as the blonde ninja slid into a ground kick. He almost didn't have time to bend backwards midair but somehow avoided a rising roundhouse kick. From his vantage point, Orochimaru landed a two-footed chest kick. Naruto transmuted his momentum into a back flip and landed on his hands, then feet, pushing off the moment he did to continue the fight. He grabbed a left-handed strike from his opponent—an unorthodox technique—so that he could perform a sweep kick. Although it was blocked, and he got a kick in the face, it helped him feel for the sannin's speed. He quickly ascended, grabbed both the foe's arms under his armpits, tying them up. Then it was a headbutt, knee, superkick combination. Orochimaru fell to the ground; for the damage he took, he lured his foe into a trap. Naruto realized too late he stood on top of two exploding tags.

BOOM.

Many of the gangsters had to shield themselves from gravel and chunks of asphalt. The sannin sneered; even with Naruto's insane speed, he had not the time to move. However, he dared not let his guard down; he felt the air disturbed and spun around. His kusanagi blade met a custom-made ninja-to with a golden fox head on the handle. "how did you...?" he stammered. But his question answered itself immediately. "I see, you weren't fighting me. That was a shadow clone."

As Naruto and his senior opponent traded sword strokes, the gang members stood agape. "Motherfuckin' Matrix shit going on here," one uttered.

"Where these white motherfuckers learn to fight like they in some Chinese movie or something?"

On the other side of the city, five young superheroes entered the metropolitan library, in search of their intended target. Robin stood out front, concentrating on scanning chakra. Unfortunately, he felt nothing. "Everybody," he whispered, "eat your military rations' pellets; I think now's the time."

"Won't the chakra surge give us away?" Beast Boy inquired.

"It's arrogant to think we aren't being watched already."

Per orders, each Titan swallowed their pellets. Each felt the distinct swelling of chakra to each part of their anatomy that brought an end to the muscle fatigue. Without pain, their focus became clearer; their powers came easier, and they wandered where these pills had been their entire lives. Raven took notice of a swirling mass of dark chakra not too far from Robin. _Robin,_ she said telepathically.

"I know," he mouthed.

"Do you really?" asked an ominous, yet very familiar voice.

Robin glared angrily. "Hello, Slade."

"Titans," the chemically enhanced assassin spoke. "I see you guys have undergone extreme training." He removed his face mask, revealing his middle-aged face. It was spotted with dots, symbolic of the curse seal. His eyes carried with it a look of determination that displayed his fading independence. He had that one-sided expression that they all—especially Raven—knew. He was not of sound mind. "Lord Orochimaru prepared me for you."

"He hasn't prepared you enough," Robin yelled, steeling his nerves as he summoned his stance. "Now." The other titans knew his signal. Unfortunately, they weren't expecting what they got.

POW.

Slade zoomed across faster than they could imagine, slamming a fist into the back of Robin's head. The boy wonder sailed across the room. Then it came in increments of one instant apiece; not incapacitating shots, but nonetheless he sent the titans sailing. He cracked his knuckles and smiled wickedly. "You see, I've never dreamed of power equal to what Orochimaru has given me."

Robin wiped some blood from his lip. "You still don't understand! Orochimaru's curse seal takes away your individuality and free will!" He knew reasoning with the man was impossible at this phase, but he had to try. As he predicted, Slade attacked him anyway.

"You're still green." He vanished from where he stood. Robin and the others emptied their thoughts and sensed for his chakra. Starfire ducked in time to avoid a furious roundhouse kick. She came up with a standing superkick, which very nearly hit. He vanished to avoid, and came in on Cyborg who provided a punch on the arrival. Slade didn't dodge; he stopped it with little effort. Placing his other hand under the Titan's right armpit, he easily hurdled him over his head. A superkick met the metal man's chest, and propelled him into Raven. Beast Boy pounced, only to meet floor. Immediately he rolled to the left and a stomp landed where he head had been. He took the initiative to whirl around 180 degrees and lock his enemy's lower left leg in a scissors kick to bring him down, but the aging assassin did a jump leap off Beast Boy's head. He flew forward, crashing a flying kick into Starfire, who fell backward but recovered in time to dodge a separate attack.

The Titans felt their endurance waning' their strength flowed at maximum, and it wasn't enough. They found it becoming increasingly difficult to press the attack, and Slade hadn't been scratched very hard. Slade made a distinct hand sign. "If one of me gives you such a painful impact," he jeered, "imagine ten; two for each of you." Shadow clones appeared.

"You've gotta be kidding," Cyborg lamented.

Meanwhile, a battle that had been raging for nearly thirty minutes continued. Many different sword strokes became the signature display for many an onlooker. They could only stand in awe of the masterful blocking and striking. The evening sky cloudy; an eerie reminder of the danger. Both Naruto and Orochimaru knew a false move meant impalement.

"You've certainly improved," Orochimaru complimented.

"You're still an asshole," Naruto responded.

"What can be said." Orochimaru performed a spin strike, but it was blocked. He then parried a forward thrust. Swords repeatedly clashed. Neither ninja gave any quarter. Eventually they gave up on blade combat in favor of regular ninjutsu.

"Striking snake jutsu!" The sannin's slew of white vipers shot from his sleeves. Naruto deftly avoided all of them to land a midair spin kick to his enemy's face. He then summoned several shadow clones. Orochimaru came close to bringing a new jutsu to play when he found himself sweep kicked. Before he fell flat on his back, he got shot high into the air by a rising axe kick. One of the shadow clones rebounded off the main body to land a spinning flat kick on the snake ninja's chest that blasted him into asphalt. Right after impact Orochimaru replaced himself with a car's wheel' this shielded him from Naruto's descent.

_Damn, this fight isn't going in my favor_, Orochimaru thought. He hastily lit and threw an exploding tag on the ground near Naruto, who had to sacrifice all of his shadow clones to shield himself from the blast. The sannin grabbed one of the gang members, ran him through with kusanagi, then chucked him into his foe's path. The opportunity came to escape; he literally ran with it. None dared stop him.

"Orochimaru, you bastard!" He looked at the dying man he almost tripped over. "Oh shit. Here, let me help you." Naruto was no Tsunade, but he had some medical ninjutsu nonetheless. He analyzed the wound. "It won't kill him right away," he thought out loud. "That bastard knew a struggling body slows down a party more than a dead one."

"Motherfucker, you doin' all sorts of impossible shit like it nothin', can't you save him here?" a gang member asked.

"He wasn't wounded fatally," Naruto repeated. "My opponent's intention was to slow me down with an injured person." He stood, focusing his chakra over the pouring wound. As the man cried for dear life, a blue aura came from Naruto's hands. Slowly the bleeding stopped and the gash became a rough scar. Had it been Tsunade, there'd be no evidence of a wound at all.

The gang members looked on in astonishment. "Man, who are you?"

Naruto threw a graphic novel on the ground at their feet. "Naruto Uzumaki," he said. "Oh, and I'd suggest all of you rethink your lives." He walked slowly away.

The gang member to the left of the leader shook his head. "Man, I'm gonna go call my little brother."

Naruto headed to a bar on the way home. He may not have been twenty-one, but by this point he did not care. The bartender took one look at him and nearly had a coronary. "You...you're..."

Naruto put his finger on the man's lips. "Shut the fuck up and serve me." He placed several gold coins on the bar. "I want something strong."

"How strong?"

"Enough so that if I walked in on Sasuke in a speedo I wouldn't give a fuck."

"Right away, Mr. Uzumaki."


End file.
